My liver just broke up with me...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
