I'm jealous of your bromance
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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