She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
