i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
