Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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