just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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