fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
is it fun? or sober?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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