Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
