I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
