I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
