good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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