She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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