I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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