how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
