Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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