How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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