And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about my life...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
