I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
