I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
