how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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