Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize