Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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