If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
