i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
