i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?