So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
