Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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