Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
