Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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