well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
