My hand turned me down
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
