Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
