my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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