Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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