What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
