Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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