I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
