he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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