You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
