i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize