Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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