so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
