Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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