I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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