I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
