Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
