I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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