I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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