i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize