Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
