i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
