Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
