my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
