Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
