So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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