Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
