At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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