i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
false alarm, still single
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