I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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