Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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