1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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