How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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