I'm going to jail i love you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
