I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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