It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
