dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
