Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
