I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
