Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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