He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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