Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
