just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My breasts were aching with rage.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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