we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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