is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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