Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
