Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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