Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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