Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
