i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
